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Wednesday, Sep 1 2010 8:30 PM
It features: “What are you gonna do?” he bellowed, thrusting his significant chest out in an animalistic and wholly unnecessary attempt to make himself look bigger. I adjusted my grip on my only weapon, a thin beam of rebar, trying to hide the sharpened tip. “You’re gonna swing that, I’m gonna catch it and then beat you to death!” Shouting wasn’t the typical method of delivering a prophesy but it seemed like he might be on to something. “No, I am going swing this and you might catch it. But you still will not be able to punch me. I am too fast.” The fire in his eyes was turning his whole face red but however confident he was it wasn’t enough to make him eager. “I am not going to let go and we are going to look like a pair of nancy girls playing tug of war. The rebar is going to get all twisted and worthless and I will finally let go of it. Of course by that time my friend will have come around that corner. You will be so pissed off you will not even feel it when he brains you with a fucking cinder block.” His cocksure look faded and my bloody cracked lips curled into a rotten smile. I took one step forward and he fell for it, ever so slightly he turned to look over his shoulder to make sure no one was behind him. And just as he was turning back the rebar ripped into his guts forcing his filthy shirt in with it and pulling it tight across his body. I had hoped it would go all the way out the other side but like a dart not thrown quite hard enough the back end dropped and pulled itself out and it clanged to the ground, covered in shit and blood. “You are a fucking idiot. I told you he was not coming until after the rebar got all twisted.” He was still standing but when he bent over to pick up the rebar his abs couldn’t hold and he face planted. “The things you’ve done…” He was trying to push himself back up on his arms but only succeded in flipping over onto his back. “Someone’s going to kill you. It can’t go on forever.” I stepped over to him and crouched down over his head. His eyes had gone gray, like a bunch of wet ashes. I made an exaggerated dental appointment smile, showing him as many teeth as possible. “What’s wrong with you?” he spit but with his guts like they were it didn’t make it very far. “Who knows?” I answered. “But it looks as if something has gone wrong with you.” I stood up “You seem to be leaking, l wonder if I can find the leak?” He said something but I was too in love with my new idea to listen. “Oh watch this. It will be so cool!” I jumped as high as I could and landed stiff kneed and flat footed on his stomach. A stream of shitty blood shot out of the hole in his stomach. I couldn’t keep my footing and I fell ass first onto his chest, a second smaller gush of effluence bubbled up and his pained scream went into an unnaturally high pitch as the air in his lungs was forced out. It sounded similar to someone who had inhaled helium and that made me curious... "Are you ticklish?" -Cigarettes Far Too Late, 2010 Early In The Morning
-Sideburns |
(C) 2010 Sideburns and Cigarettes
Well, I think I owe the people still visiting this website two things. First, a gigantic thank you. Secondly, a serious apology. Cigs and I both make content for this website, but I'm the sole adminstrator. If the site doesn't get updated, it's my fault and mine alone. And so it was the past three and half months. Cigs and I both have full-time jobs and other stuff we do, too, but I've had time to update the site over the past few months and I haven't simply out of pure laziness. I can't promise a super-regular update schedule going into the future, but I'll do my best to post at least one new article or comic a week from now on. So, again, I'm both extremely thankful that you're still around to read this, and extremely sorry that I've let you down. It won't happen again.