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Monday, Mar 1 2010
3:20 AM
 Swear with me now the zombie oath!
I will not wander off from the group without telling everyone.
I will not sneak up on anyone or quickly jump out from behind a darkened doorway, especially when the moment is tense.
I will not hog ammo unless I am the best shot.
I understand that things may get dicey and if trapped or unable to run I will not beg for help or attempt to have an emotional moment which leads to the whole group being surrounded. “GO! LEAVE ME BEHIND!” these are my dying words.
I understand that things may be desperate and when the time comes to kill and eat one member of the group I will not attempt to make a stupid and pointless stand that results in members of the group getting killed and then I don’t even eat them.
If someone is being a tyrannical jackass but saving lives and killing zombies I will not lead a stupid micro-revolt against him that results in more people getting killed and the zombies breaking through the electric fence. In a sub-topic I will not engage in any type of heehawing jackassery in a poorly conceived endeavor to steal someone’s romantic partner.
Last and most importantly: I WILL NOT ATTEMPT TO HIDE THE FACT THAT I WAS BITTEN. I WILL EITHER KILL MYSELF OR GO DOWN KILLING ZOMBIES.
-cigarettes
 Swear with me now the zombie oath!
I will not develop unreasonable attachment to found animals, objects, etc. The zombies want HUMAN brains, and the damn dog will be fine on its own. STOP ACTING LIKE YOU HAVE TO SAVE IT.
I will not act surprised and hesitate when I run into the zombie of my mom. We've all seen the movies and we all know that she isn't my mom anymore, so no one should have to tell me.
While I understand that the virus only affects humans, I will still be on the lookout for zombie chimpanzees and orangutans.
I promise not to be John Leguizamo zombie (John Leguizombo?) and seek out a specific human target then still be able to use my gun to kill him after I am a zombie. (Look, I know this is highly unlikely, but it will make me feel a lot better if you just say it. SAY IT!)
I understand that if I continue to demonstrate an inability to control the volume of my voice in situations that require silence, the group may be within their right to either kill me or leave me behind while I am sleeping.
Last and most important: I WILL NOT DISREGARD ALL THE KNOWLEDGE I HAVE ACQUIRED ABOUT ZOMBIES FROM MOVIES AND LITERATURE AND WASTE AMMUNITION BY SHOOTING THEM IN THE BODY AND THEN ACT SURPRISED WHEN THEY DON'T GO DOWN. I WILL SHOOT THEM IN THE HEAD OR I WILL NOT SHOOT AT ALL.
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Current Comments
5847 comments so far (post your own)DAMN RIGHT.
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Posted by Tripp on Tuesday, 03.2.10 @ 07:40am | #820
I solemnly swear that, upon taking any wound to my body that slows me down, even if it be multiple flesh wounds and I am just a bitch, then I will leave the group for the good of all and either kill myself or take down as many zombies as possible before they feast on my still-beating heart. Under no circumstances will I allow myself to slow down the group. Reasonable requests before I leave include, but are not limited to the following: blowjobs from the hot chick in the group, sex (anal or vaginal) from the hot chick in the group, as much ammunition as I can carry (reasonably), a thick juicy steak, whatever pornographic materials the group has, or a chance to kick the annoying guy in the group square in the testicles.
Posted by ThatGuy. on Wednesday, 03.3.10 @ 20:40pm | #1010
You forgot, "I will never use fire as a weapon against Zombies. If there's one thing worse than a horde of Zombies trying to eat your brains, then it's got to be a horde of Zombies trying to eat your brains ON FIRE!"
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